So, with Max turning three we figured that he was past due for some serious potty-training. Things have gone pretty well, probably cuz we are using pull-ups so when he does have an accident its not all over the floor. Gross! But he does occassionally unintentionally pee on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet. Luckily neither Matthew or I have stepped in a puddle yet. The worst part of it all has been the poop accidents. We decided that whenever Max goes #2 in his pants that he would get a cool shower. Keep in mind this is not an all body experience for him. The water barely at a drizzle is only put on the affected area for no more than a minute or so, till his bottom is clean. No water gets on his belly face arms hair head whatever. Now I know what some of you are thinking.....its not the nicest thing in the world, but we tried everything else under the sun. We tried ignoring it and just not making a big deal about it, and only rewarding when he was successful on the potty. We tried taking things away a.k.a, tv, movies, or precious burp rags. But at the end of the day, the only thing that helped him to go on the potty consistently was the looming threat of a cold shower. Its not pretty, but it seems to be getting results.
There are other incentives to going potty on the potty, we all get sno-cones when we do #2's, and the big one is when Max doesn't have any accidents for 14 days, he gets a guitar. Something he has been dreaming about. No, really he has been dreaming about it. I realized this one morning when he came to me and asked me for his guitar (which he doesn't have).
So, I welcome comments on successful potty training attempts!
There are other incentives to going potty on the potty, we all get sno-cones when we do #2's, and the big one is when Max doesn't have any accidents for 14 days, he gets a guitar. Something he has been dreaming about. No, really he has been dreaming about it. I realized this one morning when he came to me and asked me for his guitar (which he doesn't have).
So, I welcome comments on successful potty training attempts!
Oh potty training. Gotta love it. I wish I knew some great potty training tips but we are working on the #2 beast as well. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm sooo stoked you started a blog! I like it better than Facebook! If you have any ?'s- send 'em my way! :D
ReplyDeleteThe truth with PT is to BE CONSISTENT! I HATED when people told me that, but it was soo true! We hit it hard with Mason in December- You sound like you are a good track that works for you! We put little man in Time out when he had an accident. Before we cleaned him up too- Nothing drives home the point better than poopy goo is squishing up your cheeks! I'm ALL for negative reinforcment! :D Hang in there!!!
Cold showers is such a good idea. I'm thinking about giving cold showers to Becca just for getting on my nerves haha!
ReplyDeletedont feel bad at all - cold showers is how a lot of us have to fight to poop monster. I am working with corilynn on it as well and potty training is like the thing that can turn my mood in a moment depending on how it is going.
ReplyDeleteOh I thought he was potty trained awhile ago. I am way too scared to even start. Brenden cries and cries and cries when I put him on. He has a fear of new things (Halloween costumes, new shoes every spring and fall, hair trimmers, etc) and I'm sure to get him potty trained we're just gonna hafta force him like we do with the other things. And I don't have the energy for that right now. I'd rather change a few diapers a day than clean up accidents. I will keep your tips in mind when we eventually get there. Keep posting more if you have any others. I don't think the cold shower thing is terrible, I used to use a spray bottle of water to keep Brenden off the rack and glass covering.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I know that I personally have no potty training advice; however, my mom used cold showers with my little brother and after just one, he was trained!! The sad part is that sometimes he brings up this "traumatizing experience" when he wants to make her feel bad. :) Oh! And I have a potty training DVD from Pampers if you want to give that a try!
ReplyDeletethanks for all the comments guys!
ReplyDeleteI am always a sucker for poo stories. Do share them with us. Haha. Good luck with potty training... the things I look forward... And I am so glad you finally started a blog! Welcome to the blogging world!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest I disagree with cold showers. Potty training is a process of relearning what they (the children) already thought they knew how to do (go to the bathroom). It takes time to learn a new skill; not a month, maybe not six months; depending on the child it could take a year or more. The problem is we’re adults asking a toddler to change, again in different words, our adult brains that have developed and can reason and think to a very complex level, are asking a toddlers brain, that is so new and so far from the developments of our brain, to change and do it quickly (peeing and pooping in the potty). The reality is we need to be patient; we need to put ourselves in the place of the children.
ReplyDeleteIf you must give your child a cold shower try this: set a strict rule for yourself, something that will completely change the way you’ve done something in the past. Example if you eat meat often, never eat it again, and if you fail, give yourself a cold shower until you have it mastered. At least then you will understand to a little extent what you’ve asked your child to do.
I am a supporter of man-given consequences, but I believe they have to be well thought out and they must fit the action. Cold showers seem to be a consequence you give to someone (IF AT ALL) when they know exactly what they are doing, and that it’s wrong, and they know the results of their actions are negative and they choose to do it anyway. I know in no way can a toddler match this intent.
Now to end with a little thought I have on being a parent. Our children are not ours to own, they don’t come to us needing to be molded. They come to us as God’s children, needing to be reared.
I feel as mothers we need to think things through before we decide to go ahead with consequences. I really do feel and believe you are a good mom and you are trying to do what’s best. I’m very appreciative that you are so honest and you ask for others thoughts. I hope I have not hurt, offended, or done anything negative towards you. My intent is focused on the best for all children. I feel often we (parents) seek for quick fixes and don’t realize the lasting consequences of our actions.
The following professional comment is included on the matter:
How potty training is handled with one's child is an issue of great importance because it is the child's first experience of learning self-mastery over the body (a huge task with which we all still struggle). This is a time for the child's caretaker to convey to the child some of life's most important relationship and change skills -- patience, trust, the idea that we can make mistakes and not be shamed or harmed. Any time potty training becomes a control issue, a tender process has become derailed. If a child is having lots of accidents it’s an indication he/she may not be quite ready, simply return to diapers and start again later. If the child has been trained and relapsed it may also be an indication of other problems and is not an issue of willfulness, but is an indication to take a closer look at the child's world to see if there are other stressors in their life that may be contributing in the same way for example, that an adult may start overeating if they are stressed. Compassion, kindness, staying with the process can give the child a lifelong experience of learning not only to trust themselves, but to trust their bodies, to have a good relationship with the body. As such it is worth the inconvenience and difficulty for the caregiver and is best handled with positive reinforcement versus negative, encouragement versus criticism, rewards versus punishment, and trust versus fear.
Tamera Smith Allred/ LifeQuest Counseling and Coaching
Mother of six
M.A. in Counseling Psychology
Registered Counselor
Sarah, those are interesting comments and definitely gives me something to think about since I am potty training Rebecca (for like six months now, so it is definitely a LONG process). I will say though that there is quite a bit of debate even among professionals on the subject. The "self esteem" movement from the 90's has affected the way a lot of psychologists view potty training, but many psychologists are beginning to back away from that movement as it has deterred many parents from actually disciplining their children. Personally, I try to take a positive potty training approach that doesn't include a lot of punishing, but I have had to be flexible and change my techniques as Rebecca's awareness and physical abilities change. In the beginning, I didn't punish AT ALL for accidents. Now that Becca has better control, I have changed the plan. She gets 1 chocolate chip for peeing, and 2 for pooping on the potty. When she pees in her pants or poops, Mom gets the chocolate chips because I have to clean up the mess. And I definitely let her know that the chocolate chips were AMAZING and that she should work harder next time to make sure she gets them. I don't do this to be cruel or taunting, but I do it to let her know that rewards have to be earned and that it's NOT COOL to pee in your pants (contrary to what Billy Madison might say).
ReplyDeleteAlso, when they say that relapsing isn't a matter of willfulness...I would say that is ALMOST always true...but believe me, sometimes it seriously is kids being naughty or lazy. Becca is potty trained, and tonight she was mad about something and looked me straight in the eyes while peeing in her pants. Trust me, that is absolutely willful on her part. So in that case, she got in trouble. So I think a lot of it depends on the fact that Moms really do know their kids pretty well and what their actual intentions and abilities are.
So in terms of man made consequences, I'm not sure cold showers is totally man made. It's a natural consequence of pooping all over yourself--you have to take a shower to get clean. If the temperature happens to be a little uncomfortable, well, too bad. I definitely think this would be appropriate especially if Connie feels that Max knows better and is pooping in his pants (which is probably the case since he was pooping on the potty months ago, and probably is just being lazy now by pooping in his pants). Plus,I doubt Connie is making it super traumatic by spraying him in the face or leaving him in there forever. A lot of boys need a little extra encouragement to use the potty, so I definitely think that parents are the only ones who can decide what's best for the child through studying what the professionals say and also through prayer. It is a good idea to share ideas with other parents and decide what techniques we want to use on our own children, but not always a good idea to expect that your ideas would fit with another child. With the exception of abuse, I think it's best to let well intentioned parents just do their thing. Kids are more resilient than we think :)
Sarah, well, I don't know what to say, thanks for your honesty. I have been working on this for over a year now, so there you have it. he has been pooping on the potty for over a year. I think it was time to get serious.
ReplyDeleteKids are way smarter than we give them credit for.
You can do it Connie! I've heard how difficult it can be to potty train and I can't say I look forward to the day when I have to train Calvin. When that time comes I will be down on my knees desperately praying for inspiration because I wouldn't know the best way to do it. I've read about different techniques for potty training, but I really believe there is not just one way to potty train all children. What works for one child will not work for others. Some kids are also more stubborn than others and it really is a battle of wills--one in which they have the upper hand. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHi there, came across your blog and wanted to comment on this.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Sarah- I don't think cold showers are the way to go. Negative reinforcement has very seldomly been a successful strategy for raising my two daughters who are now 6 & 9 years old.
I am assuming you have considered the fact that you have a relatively new baby around... and what do you do with a new baby alot? Change his diaper! Maybe your son is unconsciously insecure? needing more attention? and so has regressed to the security of infantile behavior where he feels safer and more closely tied to Mom and Dad. A new baby can be a big upset. My daughter went through a period of regression when our second daughter was born.
Seems to me the discomfort of having a wet/poopy diaper is natural consequence enough!!
Vi regressed for a bit when Avery was born(she was 3 when Ave was born and had just gotten down potty training since we waited until she pretty much did it on her own), had more accidents and was jealous over breastfeeding but we just ignored this behavior and gave her lots of extra love and attention as soon as we became aware that she was being so strongly affected by Ave's birth. We'd only thought of how much our lives would change!! She eventually reverted back to her regular patterns but it did take some time. And your son is fairly young for being fully potty trained anyway. Some experts say that a child has to be at least 30 months old to be fully cognizant of their behavior(surrounging controlling their bowels and bladder) and even then some children vary.
I agree with Lindsay, too... you have to do what works for you. It makes me cringe to think of giving a small child a cold shower as a punishment just because, while they may be smarter than *some* people give them credit for- they also have way less control over their world than we adults do, and we forget how troubling and frustrating it must be to them when change occurs and they don't understand it, aren't prepared for it or don't want it. (i.e. suddenly having to share Mom and Dad with a new baby- imagine if youur husband suddenly brought home a new wife or child that you had to share his attention and your time with!!)
(Not saying you haven't thought of these things but it certainly has applied to me- I make so many mistakes as a mom, sometimes I wish I could go back and do it all over again).
The other thing I would say(sorry to be so long-winded) is remember that as soon as you make a big deal out of something your child will realize they have power... your son will know he has the power to wreck mom's day by going in his pants whereas if you make no deal out of it, just clean him up it will be a hassle to him(time away from playing, have to change clothes) and uncomfortable. Sometimes it is more difficult choice to be patient and loving and cold showers seem like a quick-fix that is not necessarily the most patient and loving solution. If your child were in a preschool, would you want someone to give him a cold shower if he had an accident? If you wouldn't want a stranger doing this to your child that should be answer enough for you.
One other thing- you may not want to post that you are giving your child cold showers as you can find some cases out there on the net where child services has become involved due to parents using this practice. One woman in Fargo was sentenced to a year in jail(suspended however with agreement to follow a parenting plan) for making her 7-year-old take cold baths. I would assume that the courts would look less fondly on this practice applied to an even younger child.
Most of all... I hope that this gets resolved soon for your sake- I know it is difficult! Hang in there- looks like you have lots of friends and support.
What the heck? Its not like I put him under the shower and make him sit there for an hour. The only thing that gets water on it is the dirty area.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that people would think that I would go right to the shower bit. Don't you think that any reasonable person would try everything under the sun before that? Ridiculous. We have tried not making any sort of an issue out of it, tried only positive reinforcement, and so on and so on. This has been an ongoing issue for over a year now.
I have searched out our consequences with trustworthy people and also thoughtful prayer. I can assure anyone out there that is questioning my parenting that it is no where near abuse.
I think I know my own child better than some stranger who reads peoples blogs that they don't even know.
ReplyDeleteWoah! This post got serious in a hurry! I thought it was a funny post Connie and I enjoyed reading it. I think you are a fabulous mom! I hope Max gets his guitar soon! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Brooke! He is doing awesome, and is almost to his goal!
ReplyDelete